Everyone one in that room wanted to leave. Jack had just lost it. A near melt-down as he vented his frustration about Cornell’s IT team who, as he saw it, weren’t doing their job.
Jack was bright red. His colleagues squirmed uncomfortably in their seats. The IT Manager, Cornell was just about to yell back in defense. And Jack’s boss Sandra? She changed the subject.
Everyone was embarrassed, nothing got resolved.
Emotions at work are awkward. Many leaders just don’t know how to handle them, especially the outbursts.
Yet we are emotional beings. Try as we might, we can’t turn off our emotions when we walk into work.
So what’s a leader to do?
Slow down!
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Most leaders react to strong emotions by trying to move on quickly. They panic. They worry that things will get ugly.
What if Sandra had tried this:
“Jack I can see your frustration. Does anyone else feel this way?”
This validates Jack and takes the pressure off him in that moment. Then Sandra could have facilitated a discussion:
“Hmm, that does sound like an issue. Anyone got any ideas on how we can handle that?”
“Anyone else feel differently?”
“Is there something else going on that’s causing this?”
Most leaders fall into a trap: If an employee is upset the leader feels that he or she has to step in and solve the problem.
Push Through The Uncomfortable
Instead Zealeap Culture Club members say: “push through the uncomfortable!” Slow down and deal with the emotion right there. Don’t feel that it’s all on your shoulders to deal with the problem.
Chances are that if someone on the team is frustrated, others are too. Your job as a leader is not to hide from emotions, but instead to help them surface in a healthy way.
So next time your team gets emotional: Slow Down!
Thanks for reading, and thank you to our amazing colleagues at Culture Club for these ideas.
Tim
Slow down, replace emotional with a factual or clinical approach, try using a white board session. I really like “Jack I can see your frustration. Does anyone else feel this way?” Steven Covey’s Seek first to understand and then be understood is a great approach.
Good stuff Tim!
From a leadership standpoint It is natural to want practical actions,, however in today’s frenetic paced world where expectations are to achieve more with less, we need to stop a moment and realize that we are all humans and showing empathy as described above helps immensely. You are not avoiding the situation and through empathy are soliciting an inclusive and hopefully positive outcome.
Taking three deep breaths, exhaling slowly also helps to clear the mind of emotional attachment to outcomes – a source of frustration